Too Tired to Rest

too-tired-to-restThe reel of unseen dreams flickers her eyelids as the man who has slipped into her room watches. A crescent smile glides across his face like a canoe trailed by ripples of worry. Deep within her consciousness, she senses his presence, and the blue eyes marred by clouds of age slowly open.

“Hello, Grandma.”

One, two, three seconds pass as recognition surfaces. Her face, soft as worn flannel, bunches around her eyes and mouth.

“Hello, Freddy.”

Her equally soft hand pats his sandpaper chin.

“I know I haven’t been to visit you as often as I should, but…”

“No apologies, sweet boy. You’re here now.”

“I came to spend Shabbat with you, Gram.”

The old soul leans forward in her bed, peers out the window.

“Seems a little early yet,” she says.

“Well, Mom says you’re asleep by seven, and the summer sun sets so late.”

“Cheeky devil,” she chuckles, again patting his face. “Go ahead and light the candles. Fetch my shawl from the drawer—no, that one, Freddy, the next one down—and I’ll say the blessing.”

Fred complies with her request, draping dark blue silk around her head and shoulders. Daylight blasts hot and bright through the windows of her room in the nursing home; her white crowned head swathed in navy gives the appearance of the moon in the night sky. He lights two candles in cut glass holders, and the sun withdraws its spears behind linty clouds.

Elsa Cohen breaths as deeply as her ravaged lungs will allow; she wheezes like a broken bellows, drawing withered hands above the dancing flames, the ancient prayer she recites flowing like new wine. When she finishes, she looks up into her grandson’s drum-tight face.

“Why so troubled, Freddy?”

“I don’t know, Gram. I’ve been feeling kind of…melancholy lately?”

“Are you asking me?”

“Well, no.”

Elsa pushes the shawl off her head, smooths the fabric around her shoulders.

“It’s just that, I haven’t been keeping Shabbat lately either, Gram.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“No, that’s just what people say when they’re giving you time to collect your thoughts and tell what’s on your mind. Spill it, Freddy.”

“Oh…uh, well, I haven’t been keeping Shabbat because…because it’s really hard to do in today’s society, you know? I mean, living in America and all, well, people don’t stop, like, working and stuff at sundown on Friday until sundown Saturday.”

“Oh gosh, people don’t even stop on Sunday anymore either.”

“That’s true.”

“I remember when you were little that gas stations and stores were closed on Sunday, and all the good people went to church, and everyone rested.”

“We live in a ‘round the clock kind of world these days, Gram.”

“That we do. How’s that working for you, Freddy?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you visited three months ago—”

“Ouch.”

Elsa waves him to silence.

“You said you and Margaret were so exhausted with long hours at work, running errands, shuttling the kids from here to there.”

“Well, I don’t see how taking a whole day off to do nothing is going to help any of that, Gram. Wouldn’t that just put us more behind?”

“Do more on the other six days. Totally run yourself into the ground. Or you could save up all your Shabbats until retirement and lay around doing nothing for ten years.”

“Gram, be serious.”

The old woman chuckles until she coughs. Fred leans her forward and delivers firm pats to her back. Her nightgown is a floral landscape across the sharp ridges of her shoulders. Once settled against her pillows, she continues.

“You have to decide for yourself, Freddy, why you do or don’t do these things.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just told me what to do?”

“What fun would there be in that? Besides, there’s no guarantee you’d do it just because I say so.”

“It was so much easier when Grandpa was alive. We all met for dinner at your house and followed his lead.”

“Fredrick—Shabbat hasn’t gone by the wayside just because your grandfather died. Everything that is good about it is still with us. My goodness, dear boy, for one so educated, you sure are stupid.”

Fred can’t keep from laughing at his little grandmother’s spoon-blunt words cutting him sharply.

“Okay, Gram, I get it.”

“Are you sure? Because I could spell it out for you. Use pictures and small words.”

He kisses her forehead like she is his child.

“I love you, Gram.”

“I know, Freddy. Now take that box of candy over there your mother sent me—she knows I can’t chew caramel and nuts anymore—and go home to your family. Rest, my boy.”

Elsa snuggles into the blankets her grandson pulls up over her chin. Her eyes flicker as the dream scenes resume, and she is asleep before he crosses the room to leave.

Love for the Aging Collie

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Hound Dog Diva

Aria turns ten today. According to the Pedigree Dog Age Calculator, based on her breed and age in human years, she is 75 years old. Happy Birthday, ole girl.

She’s been in the house ever since her brother, Tasu, was hit by a car. Aria was confused by his disappearance. She didn’t witness the accident; she simply saw him wedge his way out of the kennel and never return. Her ears perked and she looked for him any time his name was spoken. We were careful not to do that after the first three days. It was like watching a newly widowed woman.

Although I’m not a fan of big dogs in the house, I couldn’t leave Aria outside alone. She was silently grieving Tasu. We had her groomed at the Posh Pooch in Springfield and brought her inside. At first, she tiptoed around cautiously. She became my new shadow. I spoke to her in reassuring tones, but the moment I left a room, she was right by my side. Her restlessness concerned me.

I soon realized we both needed something to take our mind of the loss of Tasu, so I enrolled Aria in obedience classes at PetSmart in Canton. She knew a few commands my son taught her while working toward the Pets merit badge for Boy Scouts. After a quick assessment by the instructor, Leslie Jeandrevin, Aria was able to skip Beginner class and go straight to Intermediate.

Fresh from the groomers.

Fresh from the groomers.

The experience did wonders for my lonely dog. At first she was clingy. Over time, the socialization helped Aria relax. She had never been around another dog except her brother. She even made a best friend in a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Isabelle.

I am proud to say she completed Intermediate and Advanced I & II with flying colors on the first try. Technically, she’s CGC certified. Lazy me never sent in the paperwork. I thought about doing therapy with her in nursing homes or conducting school visits. It’s a lot of work and money to maintain the standards of grooming required for these trips. Those two facts are also why we stopped with CGC instead of pursuing Pet Partners status.

Lately, Aria is napping more, sleeping more deeply. I can get out of a room and return before she notices I’m gone.  Her actions and responses are slower than they used to be. I’ll be sure to keep an eye on her this winter since it’s supposed to be colder than last year. Weather can take a toll on an old dog despite the fact that she’s inside. I believe they truly do feel it in their bones.

I don’t know how much longer we’ll have Aria in our lives. What I do know is that I will continue to love her every moment of her life. Each year past ten is supposed to be a bonus for a large breed dog. If she doesn’t slip away peacefully in her sleep, I will not let her suffer. Enough of that talk for now; it’s her birthday!

The occasion calls for a car ride, a visit to PetSmart, a new chew toy of Aria’s choice, and a bag of Pupperoni, and then home to nap.

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She’ll nap anywhere.

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